Exploring the Bible / Faith

QUITTING Wining and Dining

I want to barf when I hear most people talk about biblical dating. If I hear another woman give a talk and tell girls to make sure a potential husband is INVESTING (read: financially) in the relationship, I might actually slam my head against a wall. fancyrestaurants

I have tried really hard to like restaurants but I hate them. I have three cousins who are chefs and I hate restaurants. The whole concept of going out to dinner with someone as an enjoyable activity repulses me. I don’t want to sit in rows of mildly comfortable chairs and watch a movie on a huge screen either. And to the nut jobs who suggest never being alone with your significant other until marriage, y’all are crazy!

I know you’re thinking I’m giving into the “looseness” or whatever you want to call it of modern culture where dating has deteriorated, purity is undervalued, and girls aren’t expecting godly men to act as they should. Well I’m not. I’m rejecting Christian culture. I sincerely apologize to anyone who finds true happiness in what pastors and speakers are peddling as far as biblical dating. More power to you but it’s not for me!

If I’m going to be one flesh with someone (Matthew 19:4), I want to know them. And I don’t know yet how I’m going to figure out if he’s who I’m going to mingle souls with or whatever. I know it’ll include asking God and I know it won’t include considering whether he splurged on a seafood restaurant. Give me a break already. Where in the Bible does it say he’s got to make the first move, she’s got be demure, he’s got to pull out her chair for her, she needs to curtsy (haha ok not curtsy, that’s not really a thing, right?).

We say that technology is taking away the truly human aspects of life but it seems like humans are taking it away. We are setting up these crazy processes and “right” ways of doing this or that.

We’re giving sage relationship advice: Don’t try and change him. Find someone equally yolked. There’s no such thing as soul mates. Marriage doesn’t continue on into heaven. Don’t kiss until your wedding day. Make sure you dream about your perfect wedding and white wedding dress. He’s only husband material if he’s discipling people. He needs to be man enough to tell you how he feels first.

It’s a load of crap. No one knows Gods design for dating. There’s guesses that are more likely right than others. But no one knows. So the idea that you should confine yourself to what ANYONE except God tells you is the “right way” is ludicrous.

Don’t tell me I’m not respecting myself for not wanting to “set the bar high”. What bar? Bar implies metric and we’re measuring potential mates on a societally designed scale. I’ll tell you when I feel disrespected. I feel disrespected when I sit through dinner at a fancy restaurant where I awkwardly scan the menu for whatever looks most like chicken wings. I feel disrespected when my friend warns me off a guy because he asked me to hang out alone or didn’t take the initiative to pick the place for a date. I feel disrespected when I get told it’s best to keep quiet when he’s being a total wacko and I think he needs to hear it. I feel disrespected pretty much every time I’m expected to not be authentically me just so my partner and I  can measure up to what people today are calling biblical dating.

Why can’t I just invite someone over to this place where I’m comfortable, look them in the face and ask them a real question like “Did you ever pee your pants in school when you were little?” (or recently, I guess).. or “Do you think God is ok with the stock market?” or “What do you think God was thinking when he put hair in our noses?”  or “Did the devil create acne?” or “What would be a good name for a color that’s not already a name for a color?”

Are people not going to say “aw” at my wedding when I say that our first date included no initiative and intentionality and we kissed before we DTRed? Do I care if anyone says “aw” at my wedding?

7 thoughts on “QUITTING Wining and Dining

  1. Great words! I completely agree that the Christian community has a strangely skewed view of dating. While, of course, we must uphold our relationship with Godly values, sometimes the rules that are thrown at me are ridiculous or not great for my relationship.

    • Lol that’s my point. People should do what they enjoy. Foodies should go to restaurants and people like me who don’t find pleasure in expanding my palette should not feel like we should go to restaurants. It’s about the same as people who don’t like dogs not getting dogs as pets just because everyone else in their neighborhood has one.. Haha.

      • Exactly! I also have to stop friends who mean well when giving me advice. They think because we’re both Christians that we have to date the exact same way. Ummm no thanks 😄

    • It does for me too. I think that following the modern view of “biblical dating” becomes sort of like idolatry because people are so so so committed to “purity” and having a “godly” pre-marriage relationship and their happiness hinges on that.

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