For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
I can’t believe I’m graduating from Texas A&M’s MBA program tomorrow. It feels like it went so fast and it also feels like it took forever.
I can’t say “no regrets” about this experience. I have a lot of regrets. I messed up a lot of times. I did the wrong things, I hurt people, I hurt me. Y’all, I missed out on some things that it feels like I may never forgive myself for.
Don’t get me wrong, I did a lot of right things too. But, as I look back upon the last year and a half, I am thankful for a God who forgives, a God who grants us fresh starts.
2016 will be a lot of firsts for me. My first really real big girl job. My first house. My first Run Disney marathon. I’m hoping to train to become a CASA and to take the first one or two night courses towards my PhD. I’m hoping for some firsts that I haven’t even imagined yet.
I’m also scared. Really scared. I’ve felt like God’s been molding me this last year and a half. But I still messed up so many things.
I hope what I’ll take from this experience is an okay-ness with things being messy. I want more faith in that God really does make all things work together for the good. I want to believe in Him that every shortcoming I’ve had while I was here is part of my journey. I wish I knew more completely that it’s all going to be alright… That when I walked away from something or someone that I should have stood by (a friend, a project, an opportunity) that God isn’t up there slapping himself in the forehead like “Doh! Andrea! You idiot!” That when I said something mean or didn’t say something nice that I should have, that God was still smiling and saying “You’re learning..”
At the same time that I have all this un-sureness and this great blank space of unknowns ahead of me in 2016, I do feel a “peace that surpasses understanding”. It’s strange to feel peace and .. the opposite of peace at the same time.
Even if God is displeased with how much I messed up or the decisions I made, He still loves me. I am loved. I am still made in His image. I am still on God’s team.
Graduation is supposed to be an ending but it’s more of a beginning (cheesy, I know). I wish I could wrap up in a neat box everything I did and learned at Texas A&M, tie a bow around all the people who have changed me for better or worse. But I can’t. I still don’t know and I am still confused, unsure. I’m 26 years old and I have nothing figured out like I thought I would. But I’m ok with that.. most of the time. I’m peaceful about it.. most of the time. I can rest in God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11. He knows the plans he has for me.